From a Human Eye
by Along Gator
Summary: Just what is he?
1. Chapter 1

**Note: The characters do not belong to me, nor does the cover picture.**

* * *

July 7, XXXX

Today I saw him again. A man, blonde hair, blue eyes. A classic kind of American. He was in front of me, waiting for the subway train to come. Even though I couldn't see his face, I knew it was him. It's kind of like how you can recognize your relative. You don't need to see them fully to know. That's how it is with him too.

It's uncanny, to be honest. At times, when I see him, I wonder if he's a stalker. But in that case, he must be a professional. I asked my friends if they've seen him before and they said yes. Nine of them. Weird, right? I don't know. He doesn't seem like a threat. Friendly, even. But he could be a Dexter type. Ah, this is getting nowhere. I don't even know why I'm doing this. I guess I'm just wondering...

What should I do?

Should I talk to him?


	2. Chapter 2

July 14, XXXX

He was with a guy today, so I couldn't talk to him. Too awkward. The guy looked like his brother. Same hair color, almost the same eye color, but his weren't as bright. He probably had a hard life. They were sitting together on a park bench, eating hot dogs. I was walking my dog.

When I got close to them, I could overhear their conversation. He didn't seem to mind or notice, nor did his brother. They were talking about countries. More like listing them, to be exact. Something about France, then England, then Russia. It was as if the nations were actually people. Maybe those were nicknames? But what kind of person would give their friends nicknames of countries? Weird.

That was all I heard from them when I walked by. France. England. Russia. Wracked my brain over what they had in common, but haven't come up with anything.

June said that I should look for a job, instead of worrying over strangers' conversations.

I wonder where my common sense went.


	3. Chapter 3

July 16, XXXX

This morning, June said that I was boring. And I guess I am. These entries are like evidence to my boring nature. Back when I was a kid, I used to keep a journal just like this. I remember, my sister snuck in once and read it. Instead of laughing at any embarrassing moments I had, she just stared at me. It was the kind of look that people give when a show ends abruptly. "That's it?" they ask themselves. That's how she looked at me.

Oh. That reminds me. For the very first time, I got a good long look at his face. We were next to each other in a coffee shop, waiting to put in our orders. He was polite enough to offer a greeting. "Hi. Nice day, huh?" The guy seemed to be in his early twenties. His hair was disheveled, and a long cowlick was sticking out in the center. As he was talking, his lips raised up in an easygoing smile. He was surely in the prime of his life.

In reply to his question, I said, "Yeah. Real lovely."

And our first conversation ended just like that. A little boring, yeah. But that's just how I am.


	4. Chapter 4

July 18, XXXX

I'm writing more frequently now. When June isn't around, I do it (just so she doesn't make fun of me). I don't think I've introduced her yet in here, but she's my girlfriend. We met at this party and hit it off right away. Partly because we had a lot of the same interests and the other being that we were the only "known" lesbians at the party. She was more famous, though. Everybody knew that she got kicked out of her home because her parents didn't accept her. June never bothered to hide it and you would never guess it with the way she carries herself. A noble lesbian. That's what she is. And that's why I love her.

Sometimes... I wonder if she feels the same way. I don't want to doubt her, but she's mysterious. It takes a lot for her to say "I love you."

It must have been hard for her, back when she used to live with her family. I think that's why she's so aloof. Yeah. I'll leave it at that.

What else is there...

Hm. The classic American hasn't really been around. I don't see him at the park or the coffee shop anymore. Not even the subway which he used to take. I wonder where he went.

Maybe Russia? France? Or England?

I would personally choose England. Princess Kate's about to give birth and I wouldn't want to miss out on seeing the royals and the citizens celebrating.

If only June and I could also have a child of our own. It would be a miracle.


	5. Chapter 5

July 20, XXXX

I looked at myself in the mirror, after I got out of the shower. I wonder how many people actually stare at their bodies. I wonder how many people actually accept the image that they see in the glass.

When I see myself, I just see... me. Average height, brunette, slightly tanned skin, a few pimples, and some chub here and there. Nothing really out of place. Nothing really hot.

Just me.

And that's alright.

But that's not to say that I'm satisfied with it...


	6. Chapter 6

July 23, XXXX

Wow.

The blonde guy's back. Princess Kate gave birth yesterday too. Coincidence? I don't think so.

We talked a bit, when we passed by each other. He was lugging a big suitcase behind him. I was going to a job interview.

"Hello." My eyes wandered to the suitcase. It had a little sticker of England's flag.

"Oh, hey. We saw each other in that coffee shop, right?" He sounded quite exhausted, but nonetheless cheerful.

"Yeah, we did. You seem tired. Recent trip?"

"Yep." He gestured to his suitcase. "Went to London and came back a few hours ago."

"Ah, must have been fun. Did you see Princess Kate's baby?"

The guy shook his head. "Nah, the security and crowd was too thick. Couldn't walk an inch, without getting pushed back."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

We stayed silent for a few seconds, before I realized that he probably needed to get home. "Um, it was nice talking to you."

"Yeah. Oh, by the way, my name's Alfred." He held out his hand. "Nice to meet you."

"I'm Roberta," I said, while I shook hands. "You too."


	7. Chapter 7

July 27, XXXX

I tried to call my mom today. At first, I heard a click. The kind where you know that someone picked up. But then, just as quickly, there was another click and then, dead air. She hung up on me.

For a minute, I couldn't think. This had never happened. I tried again. This time, I was directed straight to voicemail. Unwilling to believe, I tried a few more times, getting the same results. My mind then went to the other explanation: I probably got the wrong number. When I checked my phone book however, that was not the case.

I must have looked like I lost the will to live, as I stood there, staring at the open phone book. And in a way, at that moment, I think I did. I think I really did lose my way for a moment. Our relationship ended so abruptly. I was stunned. My mind could not wrap around it. My heart couldn't. Did she really give up on me?

June walked in and saw me. I turned to her with the phone in my hand and before I could even explain, her arms wrapped around me. I started crying then. I screamed, and bawled for the first time in a long while. I couldn't form any words, but she knew anyways. "It wasn't fair." She knew that that was what I was trying to say.

It has been about four hours since then. My eyes are puffy, and my throat hurts. June is sleeping next to me. Her quiet, rhythmic breathing is soothing. She does not know that I tried to email and text my mother. Like the phone call, it was futile.

But now, I'm at peace. I know I'm not the one at fault. I know now.


	8. Chapter 8

August 3, XXXX

I've laid off writing until today. I have been going to job interviews in the time I wasn't writing. The one on July 23 didn't go well, so I had to up my game. I couldn't be the partner that wasn't bringing anything to the table. And I think I did well. Fingers crossed.

On another note, I feel like going out. The skies are overcast, and the town's wrapped in gray, but I want to go. I don't know where to, but some things (particularly impulses) are just incomprehensible.

Out of my window, I see Alfred. He's walking down the street with some food. He has his usual smile on. I think I'll join him. Goodbye for a bit.

* * *

I'm glad he walks slow. It was easy to catch up.

"Hey, Alfred!"

"Hm? Oh, Roberta. Hi!" His weird cowlick thing wiggled as he turned his head.

"How are you?" I couldn't help but smile at his messy self. Must be nice to be so comfy in one's own skin.

"I'm good. Got some burgers from Maddy's Diner."

"Oh, those are _delicious_."

"Yep. I could eat ten in one sitting."

"Haha. Me too."

"So what are you up to?"

"Me? I just felt like going out. If I stay cooped up for too long, I get antsy."

"I know the feeling. People keep on saying that I have a short attention span, like En-, uh Arthur." He looked away for a second. Guess he wasn't cut out for lying.

"Ah... Arthur, hm."

"Yeah, heheh... um, I just remembered I gotta go get something for my pet. See you!"

"Okay, bye!" A stupid smile was plastered on my face. I had learned something interesting about Alfred.


	9. Chapter 9

August 6, XXXX

I woke up at 4 in the morning today. My eyes could not seem to close. They were looking at something that I was not aware of. Consciously. After a few minutes of staring aimlessly, I blinked and rolled over. June was sleeping next to me. I was reminded of what happened with the phone calls. But I didn't feel any pain. Perhaps a bit empty, but not heartbroken. Nope.

I think the staring has helped. I think love has helped. And the freedom. If I had not known what it meant to break away, I would have tried to plead with Mother. But I don't need any justification for my feelings. Nope.


	10. Chapter 10

August **8,** XXXX

I g_o_t it!** I got** a jo_b!_ **Fina**lly! If I d**idn't have** to_ record this_ moment down, **I w**ould be running ar**ound,** being _stupid._ Bu**t I h**ave to, so I h_ave proo_f that **this i**s real. _I'm_ trying my **best to k**eep my _han_d steady. My **n**e**rv**es a_re_ **kill**ing my h**andwri**ting. S**orry, it's** rea**l me**ssy.

Ah...** crap. I've woken June up. H**_old on!_

* * *

O**kay**. So, June_ is a scary person_ when she wa_kes up._ She will li**terally thro**w everything within her reach **at the person w**h_o woke her up_. Which i**s mostly me. And** I have _to dod_ge the objects, or else I'll have a huge lump **on my h**ead. Luckil**y, I managed prett**y well.

_And it h_asn't stopp**ed my exciteme**nt _one bit. _


	11. Chapter 11

_August 14, XXXX_

_It's me, June. _

_Roberta is in the hospital, unconscious. She had been hit by a car a few days ago, on the way to her new job. The driver was careless. "I swear I didn't see her." Yeah, right. It's bullshit. **Utter bullshit. Everything is. **_

_I can't make heads or tails or things right now. When I think everything will turn out good for us, life decides to give me a bitch slap in the face. Life decides to say, "Nope, no happy ending for you. A queer." _

_**Every single fucking time. **_

_I can't stand it, but ranting won't be of any use. I can't help her. I can't get mad at him. I can't get violent at him. I can't cry because of this. I can't let them hear. I can't do anything..._

_**Shit.** _

_**God, please. I'm believing in you. I'm writing in this journal right now so that you and Roberta can both see how precious she is to me. See these words? They're dedicated to you. **_

_**I love you.**_

_**I want to hold you.**_

_**I want to kiss you.**_

_**I want to make love with you.**_

_**I want to take you to the beach again on our anniversary.**_

_**I want to see your smile.**_

_**I want to tell you my secrets. All of them; the ones that I hid and the ones that I never had the balls to say. **_

_**So please wake up. **_

_**Wake up and let me say all of these things. Let this woman live alongside you. Let this woman repent. **_


	12. Chapter 12

_August 26, XXXX_

_A man came by today. He claimed to have known you. I realized that it was "that guy" you had mentioned before. The classic American. Yep, you were right on mark with that one._

_At first, I was skeptical with him. He seemed like the type who didn't know how to deal with situations like these. The type of person that could only say, "I'm sorry for your loss." The kind of person I hated the most. _

_Before he even said anything, I had to know what he was up to. I couldn't let him get anywhere near you. I guess it was just instincts?_

_"What do you want?" I asked. Not really that rude, right?_

_He blinked and quietly said, "Uh... I heard Roberta is hospitalized here? I came to visit."_

_Well. Fucking. Well. "Then do you mind explaining to me who you are to her?" I could feel my voice rising._

_His blue eyes locked onto mines. "I'm her friend. Who are you?"_

"I'm her lover." I held my head high to gaze into his strong eyes. I would not lose. 

_Surprisingly, the man did not bat an eye. "I see," he simply said in his soft tone. It seemed much too meek for a man like him. Maybe he was deeply affected by your absence. I could see why._

_We stayed standing, staring at each other. I blocked the door to your bed. He was blocking the nurses from coming in also. _

_"Why did you come?" I might as well have asked the million dollar question._

_And he said, "Because I'm worried. Isn't that what people do?"_

I could not reply to that. Turning slightly, I made room for him to enter. 


	13. Chapter 13

_September 2, XXXX_

_Turns out that your boss rehired someone. I guess people are desperate for money and jobs now. I hope, when you come back, you won't have to be exposed to it. Is that a silly wish?_

_He also comes by to visit occasionally. It has become a normal occurrence. We don't even know each other's names, but I don't care anyways. Our only link to each other is through you. _

_I hope God or whoever realizes that it's not time for you to lose your link to the world._


	14. Chapter 14

_September 6, XXXX_

_7:40 p.m. You moved. Your hand twitched. I nearly jumped out of my chair. Surely, things are going to get better. Quickly, I made a dive and squeezed. You squeezed back. Weakly, but surely._

_"Listen..." I could feel tears stinging my eyes. "Can you hear? Please squeeze my hand if you can."_

_Seconds pass, then minutes, and finally, an eternity. _

_Nothing._

_I don't let go, but I sink back into my chair. I'm glad that Alfred's not here. I only have myself to hear my pitiful sobs. _

_Not even you._


	15. Chapter 15

_October 5, XXXX_

_It's so weird, living without Roberta. She had died on September 13th. When it's portrayed on the TV or in a show, there's always that dramatic music and hysterical crying. But in reality, it's nothing at all. She had left. That was it._

_There was a funeral and the standard things that came after. Her mother and father came, but they couldn't even look at me. I didn't care. Alfred also came. He looked at me and just nodded in his quiet way. It was weird, watching him do that. Didn't I say he looked like the type to be loud and bright? I don't remember._

_Everything is just a blink of the eyes. Or a momentary flash in a room of dank darkness. _

_News about the government and war mean nothing. Nothing at all. I used to feel bad about being apathetic, but now, I don't feel much. _

_I had really thought that she would pull through. But I guess not._


	16. Chapter 16

_October 14, XXXX_

_If I had the courage, I would kill myself to be with you. If I had the heart, I would gouge it out for you. If I had the passion, I would make every second as painful as possible. Just for you._

_Because I really do love you, even if you are not here with me. And I want to believe that you want me to live. _

_But I don't know anything, that's been proven numerous times._


	17. Chapter 17

_October 17, XXXX_

_Alfred dropped by today. He held a bouquet of flowers. They were wilting, and the petals fell off as he set them down on the kitchen table. We sat down, and caught some of the descending petals. I didn't see any point in not letting him in. _

_"So, how's it been?" he asked._

_"Alright." _

_"Huh." He pressed his thumb against the petal that he held. His blue eyes didn't look as blue as I had thought._

_"What about you?"_

"I'm okay."

"Ah."

_We looked down at our petals. Mine was a light pink. His was a pale purple. _

_"Hey."_

"What?"

"What was Roberta's favorite color?"

"...it was black."

_He smiled sadly. "Too bad there's not a flower with that color."_

"Yeah."

_We sat together, letting ourselves adjust to the 'was.'_

_We sat together, holding our petals that were not black._

_Not yet._


End file.
